Have you ever started something with a plan to make it a habit, but you didn’t really follow through? A few days ago I came across a journal that I planned to use daily to write down prayers while following a book titled Fervent. The idea is that you write down your prayers so you can come back to them and realize, no matter if God’s response is what you wanted or not, he always answers. Well, in this journal there was only one entry. (Typical me) It was dated March 26, 2016, almost exactly a year to the date when I came across it. I wasn’t planning on sharing it, but I think it’s important that you have the realization that I did that day.
March 26, 2016
Lord, thank you for sending your blessings even when I’ve lost my faith. Please forgive me for not trusting in you and your plan during the storms of life. Lord, I ask that you help me remember all of the blessings you bestow upon us even when the days are hard. Help me to have a better prayer life so I can grow closer to you. Lord, please help to heal my heart from the loss of our baby. Help me to rejoice in the fact that he lives with you for all eternity and we will be reunited again. Help me to not use this pain to build a wall between us. “Call upon me and come pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. Jer. 29:12-13”
I have no doubt that on that day, I searched for Him with all my heart. I needed Him. On March 26, 2017, exactly a year after that entry, I was at the hospital waiting for them to release me and my sweet, precious newborn son. Some things aren’t a coincidence. You see, after suffering a miscarriage, my husband and I had been blessed with another pregnancy and our healthy little boy was born on March 24, 2017. The day I found that entry, God was nudging me and reminding me that he didn’t fail me. My son doesn’t make the pain of the miscarriage go away, but he is only here because the one before him was taken too early. In the middle of the storms, God reminds us he is still with us. He is still in control and he leaves us in a situation that is so bittersweet there are no words to explain it. God left me in a situation where I am unable to be bitter because my baby was taken too soon, only because it means the one I have now wouldn’t be here. God set me on the road to healing in a way I least expected.
The bible verse before the one I quoted on the entry from a year ago says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I didn’t see his plan or realize what he was doing. All I know is I was thankful during my whole pregnancy, completely in awe at His works. I am amazed by my son and totally in love with him. I am closer to God now, than I ever have been before. I can’t wish away the storm, because I am so thankful of where it led me.
In This With Chris 