What I know

32. You would imagine that I would have life figured out by now, but I don’t. There are very few things that I am sure of in this world and so much I still need to work on and learn. From the outside, it looks like I’ve got this thing down. Wife, mom to a crew that I seem to carry around effortlessly all while still finding time for myself. Things aren’t always as they seem. Truth is, half the time, I’m just winging it and not following a closely laid out plan. By the grace of God things usually just work out, but then again, sometimes they don’t.

Although there is still so much I have to figure out, the things that I am sure of, no one can convince me otherwise. I know I am the daughter of the King of Kings. I know he loves me despite my faults. I know there is a way to always get back to him. I know he will not fail me. I know that I am a good person. I know that I have come a long way from where I was. I know I am strong. I know the motivation that I hold in my heart can see me through anything, as it always has. I know I’ve needed my failures in order to build my character. I know struggle, Lord, I’ve lived it. It’s built my strength. I know all of the things I have been though have been a blessing to someone who needs the guidance, love and reassurance from another who has walked the same path. I know God uses everything for good.

I know love and I know lust. Most people are still confused by the two. I know all you have to do is let problems arise and you’ll quickly figure out the difference in who loves you and who lusts you. I know we feel the problem usually lies in how far down the road we are with them, but I also know there is always a way to get where you want to be. The road is often long and it isn’t easy. You’ll learn the difference between friends and acquaintances. And you’ll realize that it is better to have a very small circle of true friends than know dozens who don’t truly care for you. I know doubt. I know heartbreak. I know loss. I know begging and I know forgiving. I know rising above it all despite my past. I know mistakes and I know regret.  I also know persistence and perseverance and I know grit, true grit.

I know Friends. I know some people aren’t the same person they were when you last saw them years ago and with some you get lucky and they are. You hear that voice and see that familiar smile and you pick up conversation like there weren’t years in between them. Those friends are the best. Those friends are worth loving and keeping. Find a way to keep them in your life. Hold them tight and never let go. I know friends that point out faults, give tough love and friends that don’t leave just because you didn’t follow their advice. I know friends that refuse to tell you something just because it’s what you want to hear and instead give you truth, hard truth. Anyone outside of that is not a friend. And I know if anyone wants to walk away, you should let them.

Most importantly, I know I am a good mother.  I know this because my children have so much to offer the world. They have such an amazing view on life. A couple of them have seen me through most of my mistakes as I dragged them along my uncertain life. They know things can change quickly, but they also know how to adjust. They know life is tough and sometimes you get lemons. I know all that matters to them is happiness and that materialistic things are fun to have but not necessary to have fun or make amazing memories. I know their perspective of things are different from what we see. I know they are the best part of me and the best that I have to offer this world. I know they know that I will never fail them. Like true friends, my children have taught me true, unconditional love.

32 and I still don’t really know what I’m doing, so don’t feel bad if you don’t either. I have only an idea of where I’m headed, but I know this, I am loved by family, amazing kids and true friends. I know I’m hell, but I also know I’m worth the fight. I know 32 will be an amazing year because of the people I choose to surround myself with. So, here’s to 32 and everything it brings. May it be the best year yet.